To Be A Child
by GUCIGIRL
Summary: As a young girl, Raven was put under strict rule. But what does she really want? R&R, please! I accept flames with much pleasure!


**OK, peoples – story # 3 coming at ya! Wow…I never thought I'd reach three stories…I'm normally either too busy or have writer's block.**

**Disclaimer: I own ABSOLUTELY NOTHING…sad to report. I don't own Teen Titans or "Castle On A Cloud" from _Les Miserables_. **

**Oh yeah…I changed the lyrics to the song a little bit…where it says _Raven_, it's supposed to say _Cosette_. _Les Miserables _is an amazing musical! I almost played _Gavroche _a few years ago…but the girl who got it was a little shorter than me…not that I'm holding a grudge or anything. **

**Anywho, ENJOY! **

A young girl raced through the streets of Azarath, trying not to think of her punishment. Would she be lashed by Gavriel's paddle? Would Michael scold her until she cried? She was late for her lessons with the monks, and they were very strict. People stared at little the Raven as she hurried past. Children paused in their games to gawk at the girl whose horrid legend was famous. Running past the buildings, she scampered up the steps toward the white room where she had her lessons. Her white cape flew out from behind her until she reached the top of the staircase. Breathing deeply, she turned the doorknob and entered and found herself standing in front of four monks; her tutors. There were four of them – three tall monks: Raphael, Michael, and Uriel, and one short monk: Gavriel. The short one stepped forward, a furious look on his face. "Where have you been, Raven? You know it is your duty to be on time."

"Yes," another chimed in, "Do you wish to let your demon side take over? You must be in control and take charge. Laziness can only lead to corruption – that exactly what you cannot be. That is what we are you teaching you, and you still have not learned!"

The little girl stared up at the old men hovering over her, angry looks upon their faces. She was not often late, but today she had been thinking. Raven had been doing a lot of thinking lately – sometimes she spent hours at a time in her room, watching the clouds pass by. Now, as her teachers yelled, she wanted nothing more than to be back in her room, thinking peacefully. She wanted to cry out, to allow hot tears to fall over her cheeks, but that was not allowed. She must control her emotions…she must not prove herself utterly worthless. Swallowing her feelings, Raven closed her eyes briefly and responded in an unnatural monotone, "I am ready to listen if you are willing to teach me. I am sorry I am late. It will not happen again." Michael, the leader, nodded in approval and led Raven into the next room. She bowed her head and proceeded inside. She seated herself in the middle of the four, who sat around her, ready to observe the young girl.

"Now, Raven, I need you to focus," Raphael said, preparing the girl for meditation, "You know how important it is for you to meditate. Meditation is the key to controlling your powers and emotions. Without meditation, you might give in to the evil within you." The little girl nodded in response, closing her eyes and folding her tiny legs. "You know the chant, my child,"

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos."_ Raven felt her soul leave her body and breathed deeply, as though free for the first time. The purpose of meditation was to put herself in a relaxed state where she could suppress her emotions by feeling them only now. She floated out of the window and down towards the street. People were there, busy with their everyday business. Men and women conversed freely by their houses, their little ones nearby. Children played in the streets, laughing and skipping about. Raven observed them and gave a slight smile.

Watching, she saw their games; the boys fought and the girls played quietly with each other, dolls clutched tightly in their grasp. One of the boys snuck up behind one of the girls and tugged on her hair. The female child began to sob and her mother raced out to her. Taking her daughter up in her arms, the woman soothed the little girl. Raven viewed the following scene though her eyes, suddenly feeling an unknown emptiness inside of herself. She, although gifted with great, yet terrible power, was now looking upon the one joy she must be forever barred from.

How must it feel, she wondered, to always have someone to whom you can trust entirely and unconditionally love? A small voice in the back of her mind told her it would be wonderful, but she tried to ignore it. If she could love anyone completely, it would be her mother. Raven had been forbidden to see her mother since she was very small. Arella now lived in the balcony of the highest tower in the city, where she spent her days. Of course, she had no memory of the woman known as Arella…her mother. The monks had wanted her to forget her emotions of love, hatred, and everything in between. One could not forget to feel if the person one loves was still in your life.

Raven felt a sudden pang of adventurousness, and the empty feeling in her heart was nagging at her. Perhaps, just _maybe_, she could catch a glimpse of Arella. Raven was now six, and had not seen her mother since she had been one. She knew it was forbidden, but she could not stand it anymore. It was now or never, and Raven had chosen which call to answer. Soaring upward, she found herself among the tops of buildings. The very tallest was a circular tower, and that is where she flew.

There, in the center of the balcony, stood a tall young woman in a white cape, much like her own. The woman headed inside, and Raven pursued her. She sat down on the bed, a dove in her palm. The woman was beautiful – she had dark purple hair, much like her own. A chakra sat on her forehead, and her purple eyes shone kindly. The likeness almost scared the little girl. Arella stroked the dove gently and leaned against the bedpost. Raven cautiously lowered herself onto her mother's lap, trying not to give away her presence. Arella stirred – something was different about her room. Even though there was no one there, she felt a small warmth on her lap. "That's strange," she said aloud, "It feels as though there is a child upon my lap. Is that my Raven?"

She was met by silence. The little girl stayed quiet, not wanting a disaster to occur, as they often did when she showed emotion. She decided to leave, as it seemed appropriate. She should not have come there in the first place. Closing her eyes, she caught one last glimpse of Arella before she was whisked away on the wind. Raven's soul flew back to the monk's hall and landed softly inside her own body once more. She opened her eyes and was greeted by the puzzled looks of the monks, who were staring over her in curiosity. Rubbing her eyes, she found them to be covered in dried tears.

"Raven, my child, are you all right?" one asked, trying to help her sit up. She pushed the monks away and walked down the steps from the training room. The mauve-haired girl turned back once she was out of earshot and tore across the city, wanting to get back to her room as quickly as she could. Raven lived apart from everyone else in the city in a small house, as though if she lived with other people, she would contaminate people with her demon side. The population of Azarath was superstitious, after all. As she ran, street lamps began bursting, causing the people to scream. Inhabitants pointed, shielding their children from the demon child racing down the street. Reaching her house at last, Raven thrust the door open and slammed it shut once more. She slowed down for a minute to catch her breath and then trudged up the steps toward her small room. She had to allow her mind to catch up with her small legs. It took her a moment to realize what she had done. Inside her room, it was all white, just like the training room. Collapsing onto her bed, Raven let out a cry of anguish and began sobbing. She knew she shouldn't be showing such emotion, but right now, she didn't care. All she knew was that she was a little girl who was completely lost.

Michael and Gavriel had designed the room when she was born to protect the outside from the emotions set free within the contained area. Raven opened her window and let the breeze tickle her face. She allowed the wind to caress her cheek gently, just like a mother's touch. The sun was setting over Azarath, and it was absolutely beautiful. Sighing, she wiped her nose and curled her knees against her chest, hugging her legs. "It is beautiful, is it not, young Raven?"

One of the monks stood just behind her. It was Uriel – he was the kindest of the four who had been given the task of watching over her – a demon child in an angel's haven. The tall old man bent down and seated himself beside the young girl. "Tell me, young Raven, what troubles you so?"

"I do not know, Uriel. I have felt an emptiness today that I have never felt before. It makes me ache inside, but I cannot describe it."

"I see. Well, you know that the four of us, Michael, Gavriel, Raphael, and I are there for you. The job was given to us to teach you and help you grow into a young woman who can control herself."

"But…what if that's not what I want?"

"What do you mean by that, Raven?"

"This prophecy I must fulfill, are you sure that it is absolute?"

"Yes, child, it is. There is nothing anyone can do about it. Your fate was decided the day you were born. I am sorry. If I could change anything, I would, but I cannot. Tell me, though – what do you want?" The aged man asked curiously.

"Nothing. I am content with what I have."

"Come, now. Everyone has desires. What are yours?"

Raven turned slowly and sadly towards the monk and hung her head in shame, as though her thoughts were absurd. However, from behind the hood, a tiny voice sounded, as though distant.

"_There is a castle on a cloud  
I like to go there in my sleep  
Aren't prophecies for me to keep  
Not in my castle on a cloud."_

"_There is a room that's full of toys  
There are a hundred boys and girls  
Nobody shouts or talks too loud  
Not in my castle on a cloud."_

Raven's eyes glazed over and smiled, inhaling deeply, as though the thought calmed her.

"_There is a lady all in white  
Holds me and sings a lullaby  
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch  
She says, 'Raven – I love you very much."_

A single tear escaped her purple eyes and rolled down her cheek.

"_I know a place where no one's lost  
I know a place where no one cries  
Crying at all is not allowed  
Not in my castle on a cloud."_

Uriel stroked the little girl's cheek softly. She wanted to be a child, nothing more. Who could blame her for wanting such a simple, yet complex thing? Through her inner demon, he saw a glimmer of hope. Perhaps she was not quite as condemned as believed by Azarath. Perhaps…she had a chance at being normal after all. She could have a chance at having friends, at loving, at living. Raven allowed one more tear to escape down the side of her face before wiping it away childishly. Looking up at Uriel with her sad eyes, she spoke in her monotone voice.

"I should meditate, shouldn't I?"

He nodded and smiled benignly before heading towards the door. Turning around once more as she got into position, Uriel smiled gently. Raven was such a complicated child. If she were to ever become normal, she would need good friends at her side to guide her. _Bless those who help little Raven to see the light in such dark times. _

**So…what didja think? Good? Bad? Indifferent? I know…it was slightly cliché, but hey…everyone loves a good cliché!  
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. If not, feel free to tell me. Just don't yell…I don't do well with such pressure.  
**

**Ah, yes, and the words _"Aren't prophecies for me to keep"_ are actually _"Aren't any floors for me to sweep"_…well, Raven doesn't exactly sweep floors, but they're the lyrics. **

**My regards to all the little people!**

**Read and Review: Please click the purple/blue button and make my day!**


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